Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
