that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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