What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
