hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
