I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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