I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
