GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
