birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
