Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
