i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
