Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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