I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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