Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
