just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
try to milk me bitch
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
