You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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