I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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