I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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