I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
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