Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
