I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
