i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
