Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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