like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
