You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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