Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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