she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
