Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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