How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
