woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
