don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
