I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
