Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize