I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
