She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
