everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
