I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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