Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
