I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
