He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
