If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You are a genius and a whore.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
