I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
