I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
