Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
