That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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