I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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