I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize