Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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