That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
