What a fucking waste of an outfit
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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