I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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