I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
