I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
