omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
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would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
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The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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