Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Sober January is a disaster.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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