I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
