you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I want a musical about memes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
