Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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