You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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