Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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