can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
