I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
