I will die if light touches me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
