Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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