You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
