If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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