New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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